When Our Time is Up

Well, the time has come. Time to wrap things up neatly, tie them with a bow, and stick all of this on the shelf of my memory. I’ve been home for over two weeks now, and enough is enough. <sigh> My mother even used the term “dragging on” with regard to my blog this past week, which is basically the kiss of death. So, friends: it’s time to say goodbye.

With Oscar season upon us, I’m sure all the stars are busy writing their thank-you speeches, so I decided to join them and end this blog (for the time being, at least) with an expression of gratitude toward some invaluable people in my life. Here goes.

Many thanks to…

First, to my family – one more time. My parents supported my decision to do some long-term traveling from the very start, and my siblings were kind enough to do so, as well – even my engaged sister, busy with wedding preparation. The constant flow of email, snail-mail, and Skype chats was enough to make me feel, sometimes, as though I had never left home. The two packages filled with the perfect reminders of Charlotte and Squicciarini were much appreciated, and I actually couldn’t have done without them. To be honest, the list for my family would never end, so I’m going to stop there and move on.

To my dad (Joseph Squicciarini), Mr. Rick Spurlock, and Rabbi Jeremy Gimpel, who all kept me company in the Shoebox time and again as I was knitting, convalescing, or when it was just too wet or cold to go outside. I listened to their respective recorded audio teachings/lessons/podcasts online, and learned SO MUCH. My father’s recordings (available at http://www.menoftorah.wordpress.com) were also filled with the voices and questions of the other men in our congregation, which brought home close enough to touch. Mr. Spurlock’s classes (available at http://www.bereansonline.org) have been a part of my life for a while now, but I particularly enjoyed getting to hear his newest study on tradition. I think I finished it in record time – three days. <wink> It wasn’t until I actually got to Israel that I heard about Rabbi Gimpel’s series on Joshua (available at http://www.thelandofisrael.com), and I *highly* recommend it, if you want to hear some completely new and very interesting things/perspectives on Moses’ successor and the book of the Bible that bears his name. I was fascinated. Anyway, I got a lot done while listening to all of this, and I’m grateful to these men for putting themselves out there for the benefit of others.

To Gloria Alexander and Shirby Whalen, both of whom sent me “care packages”, so to speak. Both were completely unexpected, and I was deeply touched. The contents of their packages were put to good use, I assure you, and it meant so much to me that both of these dear women invested their time and effort – not to mention money – in my life, blessing me while I was away. Words really can’t express that.

To Rachel Allison, Rick Hergenreter, Alyssa Goch, the Martin family, and Adriah Bartos, who each sent me real, paper letters to hold in my hand and savor. Countless people kept in touch with me via email – and I’m grateful for them, as well – but these friends took the time to sit down and write something, which, we’ll all admit, takes a lot longer and is just plain harder to do. I kept them all.

To Joshua Spurlock, who was my go-to guy from the very beginning of the planning of this trip. Joshua, having lived for a while in Israel, had all the answers to all my questions, as well as the answers to all the questions I should have asked and didn’t. Not everybody has someone who has gone before and can direct their steps so accurately. It was a blessing being able to put all my doubts, uncertainties, and challenges to rest before leaving, thanks to Joshua’s gracious generosity with all of his prior knowledge.

To the Upham family (Jonathan in particular), the Gordon family (Noah in particular), and my Aunt Lynn & her friends, who collectively started my visit in The Land with warmth and fellowship, instead of hunger and thirst. Because of them, I had a soft landing and a smooth transition – and having Noah & Jonathan with us for the first month-and-a-half was fantastic. The Uphams also provided Lori and I with food for our first few days (when it would have been hard to figure out where to go to buy things), and gave us the contents of their refrigerator when they left – wow.

To my new friends Daniel, Mary Norris, and Isaac Zauber, who all amicably opened their homes to me. Without Daniel’s continued hospitality, many more of the Sabbaths in Israel would have been solitary. Toward the end of my visit, I also appreciated any companionship on any day of any week, so it was great having friends who were there for me.

To my two favorite rabbis and their families, who I will refrain from naming. My stay in Israel would have had a very different flavor and tone without their gracious extension of favor toward me – Shabbat meals, daytrips, and visits to some of the coolest spots in Israel…all of these were made possible by the generosity of these two men. I am truly blessed, and don’t understand why they treated me so well.

To Phyllis Teague and Susan Lindsey, for their cute and useful gifts before my departure. I wasn’t expecting any “bon voyage” items, so these caught me unawares. Mrs. Lindsey’s thoughtfulness allowed me to acquire my beloved teapot, which, for the record, made it home intact.

To the frequent – or not-so-frequent – commenters on my blog, who took the time to openly display their interest by sharing their thoughts. To my readers, as well, who may not have commented, but avidly read almost every post (and I know I post ridiculously often).

Oh, I know there are all sorts of people I haven’t mentioned. G-d has used many, many people to touch my life, influence my heart, and generally support me. It’s hard to think of all of them at once without feeling positively overwhelmed. Just know that I am so very grateful for all of you. You know, having a blog really isn’t that great unless you have people reading it. I’m so happy – you’ve given me my memories! I only wrote them down because of you!

Thanks for listening. Until next time…

Use It or Lose It

Since her return, Lori has been teaching Hebrew to a handful of interested people here in Charlotte. My sisters even joined the class for several weeks, and surprised me with their knowledge of the language upon my arrival. Aren’t they sweet.

So, on Wednesday nights, I go hang out with the Charlotte mini-ulpan, and speak Hebrew with my American friends. It’s a boatload of fun, and I’m hoping it will help me keep my Hebrew fresh and resilient, as opposed to fading fast. Lori teaches just like one of our ulpan teachers, which always makes me laugh – good times!

Last Wednesday, I parked ten minutes (walking) away from the coffeeshop where we meet and enjoyed a relaxing stroll through the parking lot. I wanted to see if that would remind me of Jerusalem, and it totally worked! The cool night air, the sidewalk, the stores, my flat shoes…yes, it felt just like Israel. The only things missing were the hills. <nostalgic sigh>

A Glance Over My Shoulder

You know, a lot of people say you should never look back. Live your life with no regrets, and no backward glances. No thoughts of what “could have been” or what “might have been”. The saddest words of tongue or pen, and all that.

In one sense, I agree with those people. You can’t change the past, so what’s the use of crying over spilt milk, right? We don’t want to be constantly dwelling on our past, because then we miss our present AND our future. On the other hand, though, it’s important to take stock of our past actions, to review our actions, and to use our mistakes to better ourselves. If we don’t make a point to learn from our own personal history, we are also doomed to repeat it. On top of that, memories are some of the sweetest things G-d has given us – and memory is all about looking back and reliving.

This past week, I was going through my blog archives, and I came across the series of posts I did in August, using the seven Biblical feasts as a basis for sharing with you my goals, hopes, and desires for my trip. Well, guess what? I’m back now, and it’s time to look back with 20:20 hindsight, and see how I did. Ready? Ok.

Pesach: The 4 I Wills

1. I will make an effort to meet people and make new friends.
   I think we can check this one off. I have handfuls of new friends, and wonderful people with whom I want to stay in contact. Spending every day with the same group of people surely helped with that – I didn’t have to try hard. But all the same, this one definitely happened.
2. I will use Hebrew whenever I can.
   The problem with this statement is that my personal bias against my knowledge of Hebrew influenced my decision as to whether or not I could speak it. I copped out a lot more than I should have, but toward the end of the trip, I very rarely spoke English in stores or at the shuk. I really did try to start implementing my Hebrew – but I think I only get half a checkmark.
3. I will study to show myself approved and not fall behind in my classes & homework.
   Yes! Score! I consciously made ulpan a priority – since, after all, that was the reason I was in Israel – and made sure my homework was completed and handed in on time every single day. I went to bed early, and I got up early. I ate breakfast pretty regularly, which is supposed to help with brain activity, and was a real struggle for me. But I did it, and my teachers were happy with me. That’s most important.
4. I will let loose and enjoy this experience – and everything that comes with it – no matter how different it is from that to which I’m accustomed.
   Oh yes. This happened. I had SO MUCH FUN. That wasn’t the point of the trip, but it was an added bonus. <wink>

Chag HaBikkurim: The Food

I loved the food. I like hummus, I like pita, I like tabbouleh, I like vegetables, I like falafel, I like cheeseless burgers. Everything there tastes great, and I had a blast trying the different flavors of Israel. The fresh fruits, vegetables, pastries, and other bread items available from the shuk were my staples – dates especially. Israel has the best dates, hands down. I didn’t cook at home as much as I should have, especially after Lori left. But it’s tricky to do that economically, and it was fun trying a few different restaurants and picking my favorite falafel joint.

Chag HaMatzot: Messiah

My goal on this one was to not hide my light under a bushel, and not offend the Jewish people. I can only hope that such was the case; many times, I was presented with incredible opportunities to talk about my Savior, which I readily took. I think I can check this one off, too.

Shavu’ot: Ruth & Naomi

Like Ruth & Naomi, I was hoping that Lori and I would really bond and get along well. It was a little rocky at first…a tad awkward, as we both got used to each other. There was no fighting, there was no shouting or arguing. But I think we were both very carefully trying not to step on each other’s toes. Trying not to offend each other. And you know what? It worked! Although Lori had to leave earlier than we had planned, I think G-d gave us the perfect amount of time together – we parted ways with mutual goodwill and best wishes. And now, back in the States, we have been reunited. Lori has decided to stay in Charlotte, and has been blessed to obtain a teaching position at one of the largest high schools in the state.

Rosh HaShanah: New Beginnings

I committed to take every opportunity to try new things. I didn’t want to come home with regret or disappointment at what I decided not to try. I think I can honestly say that I didn’t turn down a single thing – ok, I did decide not to go to Mt. Zion, but that’s primarily because I had a secret errand to do. Other than that, I have a clean slate with regard to new things. It’s funny: in the original post, I actually mentioned how I was 100% against camping and would not be doing that in Israel. But I did. I remember well my confident typing as I wrote about my stance on camping; I remember the calm assurance I had at the time, that I would never be talked or coerced into sleeping outdoors again. Haha. Oh well – this just goes to show you how far outside of my box Israel took me!

Yom Kippur: Spotlessness

I told all of you about one of my #1 goals: to be righteous, blameless, and spotless – in my parents’ eyes, as well as HaShem’s. To never do something about which I didn’t want my parents to know. Thanks to the care and protection of my loving Father, I kept that commitment. I can look back at my behavior in Israel with no qualms as to what might one day be found out. Yes, I did some things in Israel I probably wouldn’t do here, but those actions were not wrong – they were merely out of the ordinary, and mostly due to extenuating circumstances. I am happy with my life in Israel, and so grateful that G-d guided my steps.

Sukkot: Dwelling Together

Even back in August, I was looking forward to my return. I briefly described “walking back into the arms of my loving family, back under the protective care of my parents, back to our lovely home”. That’s exactly what I did, almost two weeks ago, and it was indeed sweet. Over the past several days, getting to reconnect with other friends and people I’ve missed, well…let’s just say I’m loving every minute of it, and I’m so glad I’m home. Wherever you are, be all there.

So I hope you can see how very encouraging it was to me to take a look into the past and see the high goals and standards I set for myself, and how I was able to reach most of them! Too often, I forget about the promises I made to myself or others. The commitments I’ve made sometimes fly out of my mind without my realization or consent. I’m elated that this list stayed with me, no matter how unconsciously, and G-d allowed me success in my endeavors.

Baruch HaShem!

A Day in the Life of Ulpan

It occurred to me that I didn’t say a whole lot about my actual ulpan experiences. I never took you with me to school, and you never got to meet my classmates or all of my teachers. That’s such a shame, because ulpan, besides being the reason I was in Israel, was my life. The stability and rhythm it added to my days was incomparable, and I miss it.

Everyone told me Ulpan Morasha was the best. Now, looking back through the telescope of my personal experience, I can agree with them wholeheartedly. The reason is, I believe, because there is a lot of focus on actually speaking. Since Day 1, we (the students) have been speaking Hebrew. Sometimes the phrases were almost literally wrenched from our unwilling lips, but in time, our mouths became accustomed to the different sounds and pronunciation used in this language.

Another facet of the ulpan was the breakneck pace. I felt, even on the very first day, as though I had jumped into a swift, strong, and utterly foreign current of education – it was a struggle to keep up. We learned the entire alphabet in ONE DAY, for goodness’ sake! With the immense input of information, my brain was totally fried and useless after about half an hour. Gradually, though, things changed. The brain, like any other muscle in our bodies, when stretched and exercised, becomes stronger and more capable. Within about a week or two, I was able to stay focused and retain most of what we learned each day. This is a good lesson for all of us: don’t give up, just because it’s hard. Things will seem easier if you stick to the task.

Most of all, the thing I liked the best about Ulpan Morasha was their focus on the structure of the Hebrew language. We didn’t learn a mere mountain of words, through which we had to pick and choose when trying to form sentences or thoughts. Rather, we were taught the foundation and root-system of the language, so that we would understand its very essence and functionality. We were taught how to USE Hebrew, not just how to say things. Now, back in the States, I can recognize the structure behind a word, and can use it in all tenses, whether or not I learned it in ulpan. This amazes me. The logic of Hebrew is easily grasped and, once certain things are memorized and taken to heart, it becomes simple to understand what’s going on.

I would, of course, highly recommend the ulpan to anyone interested in learning Hebrew. The teachers are absolutely fantastic – I couldn’t have chosen better myself. Their passion, dedication, and patience is admirable, and I look forward to continuing my studies with them in the future. Someday.

So, todah rabbah, Ulpan Morasha! Ani achzor!

Day of Rest

When I was in Israel, I attended Netivyah, a relatively small congregation (i.e., it wasn’t the Great Synagogue) about 7 minutes away from the Shoebox. I’ve mentioned it in passing in quite a few of my posts, so you should be familiar with at least the name.

Netivyah’s service is 100% in Hebrew, although they do provide translation for the midrash (sermon). Many sections are sung, usually with vim and vigor. If you need the English translation, you are delegated to sitting in the appropriate section, which, I’ll admit, sometimes feels like the “back of the bus”. For me, though, it just made me want to keep practicing my Hebrew and learn it faster, so that I could sit in the “elite” Hebrew-speaking section. <wink>

So today, I was back at my wonderful home congregation, Bella Torah. Yes, it’s a mixture of my two favorite languages – Hebrew and Italian. Beautiful Torah. Just check out Psalm 19 and 119, and you’ll see that King David agrees with us. The Torah is indeed lovely. Hence the name.

Since my departure, Bella Torah has grown by quite a few members. Our service has changed very little, so I was able to jump right in, with only a few glances over at my sister’s siddur to ensure I was on the correct page. Once again, the Bella Torah emphasized the increased comfort my lifestyle here in Charlotte has when compared to my life in Israel. This is because the whole service is in English, with “Hebrew highlights”, as my father likes to say. Naturally, it’s much easier to follow along, keep up, and participate. However, I did find myself missing the Hebrew intensity of Netivyah just a little.

What a pleasure it was to see everyone again! How I’ve missed the warm fellowship of my friends and family! I loved every minute of it, and the discussion and class following our prayer service were incredibly profitable.

It’s good to be back.

#200

Well, I’ve been home a week, this is my 200th post, and I have a question /slash/ problem with which you need to help me.

My Israel trip officially ended one week ago, and I’m having a blast telling you about the differences I’m noticing between Israel and the US, and about how I’m adjusting to all of this. It’s been fun. But here’s the thing: my life just does NOT have enough going on anymore to keep you interested, although I might be able to find fodder on which to post ad infinitum. <wink> So what to do with this blog? Stop posting? Shelf it until I go back to Israel? Turn these 200 posts into something great? Give me some thoughts.

Standing the Storm

My mom and sisters took me out this afternoon for girl time, shopping, lunch, and pedicures. It was quite the treat, and I feel pampered. My feet had become very Israeli…hard, calloused, and accustomed to the Jerusalem terrain. Like I keep telling my sisters: if I had kept them soft and beautiful in Israel, I never would have made it anywhere. My feet needed to be combat-worthy, ready to win the battle with the hills and dust. NOW my Charlotte feet have returned.

But you know, this whole afternoon – especially the pedicure – made me think about the difference between Israel and Charlotte with regard to comfort and pampering. I can’t remember the last time I did something particularly indulgent in Israel. Even the manicure I had was not exactly a relaxing, spa experience, although that may have been because the woman spoke Hebrew & Russian, and absolutely no English. But Israel is not a land of ease, much like America is thought to be. It’s hard to make a life in Israel; it takes effort and persistence. As I was told before I went, Israel (and especially Jerusalem) is a spiritual battleground. Life is not a bed of roses, a bowl of cherries, OR a piece of cake. Life is hard. Living there is hard.

So being back here in North Carolina has its pros and cons. It’s an easier life – MUCH easier. We have many conveniences here that are non-existent in Israel, and life is, I have found, warmer, softer, cleaner, and more comfortable. But there’s just something about trying to eke out a living in Israel. Trying to put down your own roots. It’s like bodysurfing in really rough surf: it’s hard, it takes stamina, and you may get knocked down a lot, but time and again, you’ll go out and battle the waves. Sitting on the shore just isn’t living life.

P.S. – the title of this post is a nod to one of my favorite composers/performers, William Joseph. Check him out.